~ Welcome ~
This is a place for widows to meet one another. A place to be encouraged, to learn about God's love for this special sisterhood. A place to grow in God's grace and love.
This June marks the 33rd
anniversary of Friends Needing Friends. In honor of this occasion, I dedicate
the following verses from Psalm 92.
The righteous
will flourish like a palm tree,
They will grow like a
cedar of Lebanon;
Planted in the house
of the Lord,
They will flourish in
the courts of our God.
They will still
bear fruit in old age.
They will stay
fresh and green,
Proclaiming, “The
Lord is upright;
He is my Rock, and
there is no wickedness in Him.”
Psalm
92:12-15 NIV
Let’s look
more closely at this Psalm and analyze some of its symbolic language. Cedar
wood is known for its durability and beauty. Solomon
used this wood when he built
the temple. Even today, cedar is often used to make outdoor furniture because
of its ability to withstand the ravages of weather. The branch of a palm was
symbolic of triumph and victory. Both the cedar and palm are evergreen trees,
always growing, always bearing fruit. So, though the older individual will not
have the physical vitality of youth, yet they will still make a difference with
their lives as they serve God. They will be fresh and green, or still have
purpose, even though their bodies are aging, and their hair is turning
gray. II Corinthians 4:16 reminds us
“Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by
day.”
Have you
ever considered the ages of some of our biblical heroes? Moses and Aaron were
80 and 83 when they were chosen to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. Joshua was
in the last 30 years of his 110 years of life when he led the conquest of
Canaan and Caleb was in his 80’s. A modern day heroin that comes to mind is
Corrie ten Boom who was 54 years old when she started her travels to 64
countries, speaking and preaching about Jesus Christ. She was 79 years old when
she wrote her bestselling book, The Hiding Place. Don’t overlook the
first line of this psalm, “The righteous will flourish…” Corrie,
as were all of these individuals, were tried in some of life’s cruelest
crucibles, yet remained faithful to God. Corrie spent time in a concentration
camp where she was subject to and witnessed the worst of evil. Yet, it was this
that prepared her for such a great ministry in her later years.
In 1988
Dotti Ackerman, founder of Friends Needing Friends, became a widow with a young
son. She was encouraged by her pastor to start a ministry to widows who might
be experiencing the same pain as she. She began by inviting a few widows to a
local restaurant for dinner, where they were treated to some inspirational
music and a short devotional from God’s Word. Yet, this ministry would grow to
encompass three counties and cross religious affiliations. Dotti remarried and
was widowed again before she moved to Florida in 2011. Dotti now has a strong Florida
chapter, and the original New Jersey chapter is under the capable leadership of
Mary Lou Tweed. I now write a monthly blog going out to
thousands across the globe. Just in the past year, this has been extended to
include this monthly video lesson. Little did I know that my years of teaching
writing to students would be used in my retirement years to composing computer
blogs and teaching via the internet. Neither Dotti nor I, as well as the
capable women who assist, ever dreamed that God would still be using us well
into old age to minister to widows and others hungry to learn more about Jesus
and His love and compassion for them. In addition, we now support 45 widows in India through the Kerusomem Gospel Ministry. Yet, this is exactly what this Psalm
tells us God will do for the righteous (those following after God). That
promise is for you, too. Never consider yourself too old to do anything.
Proclaim
with St. Paul, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,”
(Philippians 4:13). We have all aged 33 years since 1988 when this ministry
began, but those are years that God has been grooming us for what it is He has
for us in this season of life.
So, Happy 33rd Anniversary to Friends
Needing Friends and my prayer is that God will continue to make you a true
blessing and inspiration for His kingdom for many more years.
Message by Shari Hervold
Dotti Ackerman
Founder & Director of Friends Needing Friends
International Widow Ministry
I thank God for our friendship of over 30 years. As Shari said in her message, neither of us ever dreamed that God would still be using us well into our old age to minister to widows. "FNF" is also supporting many widows in India through the Kerusomem Gospel Ministry and we pray that FNF ministry will continue to be a blessing to widows world wide.
There are few
emotions that render hopelessness in the heart of an individual like
discouragement. With discouragement an individual sees no way out of a
situation, feels that no one understands her predicament and pain, and this can
spiral into hopelessness and despair. I was introduced to a song recently
entitled, “He’ll (God) Do it Again.” This song references some of the
despondency that comes with discouragement and seeks to remind us that what God has done for us in the past, as
well as for others, He’ll do again as He’s the same yesterday, today and
forever.
A woman in the
Bible who became a widow under heinous and deeply painful circumstances is an
example of an individual who experienced great loss and pain, yet lived to see
God work on her behalf and reverse her circumstances. Her name is Bathsheba and
she is the fourth and last mother mentioned in the Matthew’s genealogy of Jesus.
Bathsheba was the very
beautiful woman for whom David lusted, took to bed and impregnated, then had
her husband killed so that he could wed her. Some have cast her as a
seductress, but I take issue with that. She was doing what she most likely
would have done many times as she assumed the men were off to war and her
privacy was
assured as she bathed on the rooftop. 2 Samuel 11:4 tells us that
David sent his men to get her (he was the king and she had to come) and when she came to him, he lay with her. David
is cast as the actor and she the one acted upon. Dr. Larry Richards, a
noted Bible scholar, calls it outright rape. Then when David learns of her
pregnancy by her encounter with him, he devises a way to make it appear that
Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband, is the father of the child. When that plan hits a
wall, David assigns him a battle position basically assuring his death, which
was soon in coming.
So now
Bathsheba finds herself pregnant with a child of rape, and a widow. Hebrew
literature doesn’t go into great detail relating the emotional responses,
especially of women, but it’s not hard to imagine the fright, sorrow, anger,
and despair that she must have endured during this period of her life. After
her formal mourning period was over, David sent for her and she became his
wife, (one of many). The story might have ended there with the child being born
and she living out her life in luxury as one of the wives of the king. But life
isn’t a fairy tale and this child at some point became sick and died. Again,
Bathsheba’s heart was broken and she endured the despondency of losing a
precious child. Later, Bathsheba bore another son whom she named Solomon and
was granted the joy of motherhood.
David had other wives and many sons, any who could have become
king. Bathsheba wanted her child to succeed David and she laid aside fear, went
to King and advocated for her son to succeed him and won David's promise to do
so. She further acted courageously on Solomon's behalf when it looked like
another son was going to claim the throne. Even though her marriage began
on the weakest of foundations, she had the strength and fortitude to put that
behind her and be a good wife and mother. It is said that Solomon wrote the
book of Proverbs as a dedication to his mother who strongly influenced his
life. Bathsheba lived to see God restore her life and bring great honor to her
and her descendants.
Your
life has parallels to Bathsheba’s. You have suffered loss through the death of
a loved one and have experienced the inconveniences, lonely hours, fears, and
discouragements that accompany that loss. Some of you may still be in the first
throes of grief; others may be more resigned and learning to adjust to your new
“normal.” Let me remind you that God was with Bathsheba through everything she
endured. As a woman, little concern was given to her feelings, but God saw and
He cared. Solomon did become the king of Israel after his father, David. And,
as we know, our precious Savior
was born from the lineage of David and as the
mother of Solomon, Bathsheba also is in the lineage of Jesus. Jesus didn’t
forget her and the injustice done to her. This
loving heavenly Father cares just the same for you. In fact, as the song says,
He’s fighting for you; He’s on your side no matter how discouraged you may feel
or how hopeless the situation may appear to you. He knows just how your heart
has been broken in two and God will do it again just as He did for Bathsheba.
He will wipe away your tears, calm your emotions and give you a hopeful future.
Remember the words of the Psalmist, “…weeping may stay for the night, but
rejoicing comes in the morning.” Psalm 30:5.
If you haven’t
accepted God into your life but would like to do so, just sincerely follow the
steps below.
Admit that your sins have separated you
from God. (Psalm 14:1-3; Rom
3:23)
Believe that God did something about
your sins through Jesus Christ. (The final Pascal Lamb/Messiah.) (Lev 17:10; Heb 9:19-22)
Commit yourself to His righteousness by
confessing Jesus as Lord and Savior. (Isa 53:5; Col 1:22)
Do it
today! (Isa 49:8; 2Cor 6:2)
Prayer: Father
in Heaven, I'm sorry for the things I've done that are wrong. I am a sinner,
forgive me. Thank You for loving me and sending your son, Jesus, to pay
the penalty for my sin. Holy Spirit, come into my heart; Jesus, be my Lord and
Savior. I give You my life. Amen
Ruth is the third woman mentioned
by Matthew in his genealogy of Jesus. Her story begins at a time in her life
that was characterized by seemingly endless good-byes. Her story is told in the
book of Ruth in the Old Testament. Because there was a famine in Bethlehem,
Elimelekhad taken his wife Naomi and two sons to Moab where he could continue
to make a living. Eventually, Elimelek died and about ten years later the two
sons died leaving Naomi, her daughters-in-law, Ruth, and Orpah widows. All the
men in the family were dead, and because property could only be owned by men,
they were helpless as they had lost their means of support.
Feeling
nothing but hopelessness, Naomi decided her best course of action would be to
go back to Bethlehem, and, since her daughters-in-law were now legally members
of her family, they would go too. This would mean for Ruth, the heart-wrenching
good-byes to her native country, her biological family as well as going to an
altogether new culture and country, all of this coming after burying her husband.
Whatever emotions she may have been experiencing, Ruth obediently followed her
mother-in-law out of town toward Bethlehem. At some point, before they were too
far into the trip, it must have hit Naomi what this great move would mean for
her daughters-in-law and she stopped, turned to them and said, “Go back to your
mother’s home. May the Lord grant that you will find rest in the home of
another husband.” While Orpah finally relented and returned to Moab, Ruth could
not be persuaded to return to her family. She resolutely stated to Naomi,
“Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you
go, I will go,
and where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my
God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal
with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.” (Ruth 1).
I don’t
know if Ruth realized what would be required of her in making that bold, but
love-inspired declaration. She was going into a way of life that was totally
different from that into which she had been born. But one thing seems to be
clear, she was totally willing to follow the God of Naomi. Perhaps she had already
fallen in love with Jehovah God, most likely hearing about him from Naomi.
When they
arrived in Bethlehem, they were penniless. Naomi was bitter, and though
relieved to be back in her native city where she had friends, was familiar with
the customs, and could freely worship her God, she wasn’t that pleasant to be
around. Yet, not once do we read that Ruth was impatient or unkind to her. In
fact, Scripture tells us that she was so submissive and loving that, even
though she was a foreigner, she won the admiration of the townspeople and her
reputation spread throughout the
town. She took the initiative to go to the
fields to glean for food for the two of them and worked tirelessly to put food
on their table. She wisely listened to and followed the instructions of Naomi
who helped her to navigate cultural practices unknown to Ruth. Ultimately her
kind and humble spirit, coupled with her strong work ethic, won her the respect
and love of a rich relative of her deceased husband named Boaz. They married
and became the father of Obed, who became the grandfather of King David, a
forefather in the lineage of Jesus.
The story
of Ruth reminds us that our lives are far more significant than we can ever
imagine. Not for a moment would Ruth have imagined how her life would play out.
Every detail of this courageous, loving woman’s life was orchestrated by the
hand of God. Just as is yoursand mine. Ruth had many outstanding
characteristics, but perhaps the most notable one is her servant heart. She
consistently ministered to the needs of her mother-in-law and daily got up
before dawn to glean in the barley field for enough food for them to survive.
Like Ruth,
you too can put on the work clothes of servanthood and love and become engaged
in service to others, service to your children. (Yes, even grown children still
need your love and attention and sometimes your babysitting services.) and
service to your church. Dotti has remarked many times about the abilities and
availabilities of so many of you, without which this ministry couldn’t survive.
You will be joining the ranks of some truly inspiring women when you become
engaged in the lives of others. Boaz praised Ruth openly. Let me leave you with
these encouraging words:
God sees
your work and He will reward you openly
And say,
“Well done, you good and faithful servant.”
If you
haven’t accepted God into your life but would like to do so, just sincerely
follow the steps below.
Admit
that your sins have separated you from God. (Psalm 14:1-3; Rom 3:23)
Believe that
God did something about your sins through Jesus Christ. (The final Pascal
Lamb/Messiah.) (Lev 17:10;
Heb 9:19-22)
Commit yourself
to His righteousness by confessing Jesus as Lord and Savior. (Isa 53:5; Col 1:22)
Do it today! (Isa 49:8; 2Cor 6:2)
Prayer: Father in Heaven, I'm sorry for the
things I've done that are wrong. I am a sinner, forgive me. Thank You for
loving me and sending your son, Jesus, to pay the penalty for my sin. Holy
Spirit, come into my heart; Jesus, be my Lord and Savior. I give You my
life. Amen
Last month
we learned a little more about the story of Tamar, the first woman mentioned in
Matthew’s genealogy of Jesus. This month I want us to meet Rahab. In
fact, she is most often referred to as “Rahab the Harlot.” Can you imagine
going through life having attached to your name the worst sin or character flaw
you may exhibit? Jill the gossip, Jill the liar, Jill the abortionist. Put your
own name there and see how it would feel to be so represented. Her story begins
in Joshua 2, a book of the Old Testament. Her house was located in the outer
city wall of Jericho and she was an innkeeper there. Archeological discoveries
make it pretty clear that prostitution was common in
drinking establishments
and inns. In fact, the two professions were so closely related, to call one an
innkeeper insinuated that sex would be offered as a service. Since she was in a
position to lodge guests, it was natural for Joshua’s spies to go to her place
of business. We are told that most everyone knew about the miraculous events of
the wandering nation of Israel and the power of their God, Jehovah. They told
her about their mission as spies for the Hebrew people and she courageously hid
them from the Jericho authorities who were on the lookout for them.
Who knows
why Rahab was so willing to trust the Hebrews? Perhaps she was heartsick of the
life she was living, feeling worthless and without value. Whatever her motive,
she put her fears aside and by faith accepted the word of the Hebrew spies to
protect her life if she protected theirs. But it wasn’t only her life that she
bargained for. She might have simply been concerned for her own safety, but her
agreement was that she and her entire family would be saved. She had heard of
the deeds of their great God and she put her faith and trust in Him. God
enabled her to be successful in concealing them and she was rewarded by being
saved from death when the Israelitesdestroyed Jericho. In fact, she and her
family were the only ones to escape death when the walls of Jericho fell down. (Joshua
6:17-25)
She went to live among the Jewish
people, accepting their God as her own, married an Israelite by the name of
Salmon and produced a son, Boaz, who became the husband of Ruth and they became
the grandparents of King David. Now, if you’re keeping track, that would make
Rahab the great-great grandmother of King David, whom we know to be in the
lineage of Christ the Messiah.
For her strong faith in God and her
courage in protecting the men of God, Rahab along with Sarah, Abraham’s wife, are
listed in the Who’s Who of people of faith in the Bible.(Hebrews 11:31) In the
book of James, Rahab is used as an example of how someone can be transformed by
a living faith in God and produce good works. It matters not what your past
looks like, God’s grace is able to totally change you into a woman of sterling
character and make you His child. That is even better than being in his
lineage. There are lessons here for each of us women. God’s love reaches deep
into the recesses of our lives, regardless of what lies there, and offers us
transformation and a purpose for living. As someone put it, “If a common harlot
of Canaan could become an uncommon saint of faith and courage and receive the
privilege of motherhood in the line of Jesus Christ, then surely nothing is
impossible with God.”
Actually, God shows His great mercy and power through human
weaknesses. That should be encouraging and freeing for each of us. Each of us
comes to him with broken places in our lives, carrying more baggage than we’d
like to admit, and yet, Jesus welcomes us with open arms into his family. But,
he does more than that. He transforms us into His image, which is one of
perfection and love.
Pastor Tim Dilena reminds us that the
only way the past lets go of us is when it is confronted with a future in Jesus.
“When you are connected to Jesus, the future is bigger and greater than your
past.” So, just like Rahab of old, no matter what characterized your past,
give it to Jesus and let him give you a future filled with joy, purpose and
hope.
Pastor Tim
further reminds us that if time heals all wounds, then we wouldn’t need Jesus. You,
as widows, have had a past marked by mistakes, sins, disappointments, and grief,deep grief. Even the good times have often
been overshadowed by some of the negatives. Perhaps even now, your grief and
disappointments weigh you down. Your best efforts, your attempts at maintaining
a balance in your life just aren’t working. Let me assure you that Jesus’s love
for you transcendsall of your own efforts, even when coupled with the attempts
by others to bring joy and fulfillment back into your life. Jesus said, “I have
come that they may have life and have it more abundantly.” Now, that’s real
living. Can you imagine Rahab’s absolute joy to be accepted into the Jewish
community, marry a good Jewish follower of God and conceive a son and become a
normal mother in the neighborhood?
You, too,
can experience a renewed hope in living when you make Jesus the Lord of your
life. Remember, God does not measure us by the sins of our past; it was Rahab’s
choices that entered her into such high standing in the Bible and brought her
into the lineage of Jesus Christ as well as the Honor Roll of Faith in
Hebrews 11. Aren’t you glad that we don’t have to be women with perfect
backgrounds to be used by God significantly? We just need to give our lives to
Christ wholeheartedly, with integrity and we will find ourselves, much like
Rahab, used of God to influence our families and our communities for eternity.
You say, where can I find that trust? By giving your life to Christ. Here's how:
Admit - your sins have separaated you from God. (Psa 14:1-3; Rom 3:23)
Believe - that God did something about your sins through Jesus Christ. (The final Pascal Lamb/Messiah.) (Lev 17:10; Heb 9:19-22);
Commit - yourself to His righteous by confessing Jesus as Lord and Savior. (Isa 53:5; Col 1:22):
Do it today!(Isa 49:8; 2Cor 6:2).
Pray: Father in Heaven, I'm sorry for the things I've done that are wrong: I am a sinner; forgive me. Thank You for loving me and sending your Son, Jesus, to pay the penalty for my sin. Holy Spirit, come into my heart; Jesus be my Lord and Savior. I give You my life. Amen
