Dear Friends,
At one of the “FNF” meetings, the ladies were asked to
write a question concerning widowhood and I would answer one question each
month that would be published in their monthly newsletters and now in the
Friends Needing Friends blog.
I pray as you read the different answers to the many
questions that were presented, God will speak to your hear
t as He helps you
through your time of grieving.
Very truly yours in Jesus,
Pastor Bruce Sofia
Question: How long should I wait to enter into a
relationship (with the opposite sex) after the loss of
my husband?
This is an excellent
question with no so simple an answer. So let me speak from my heart and share
some thoughts relational to my observation from years of posturing. (These
truths are also apropos to those who have just come out a broken or soured
relationship.)
1 First, remember that the years you spent with
your first husband gave you time to become “soul mates.” Becoming a soul mate
takes time. It moves beyond the “conditions” and the “becauses,” it loves
“unconditionally” (period). This does
not happen overnight, hence there needs to be a season of healing before one
should even consider a “romantic” relationship with the opposite sex. (I would
suggest at least one and a half years, two or more is better.)
Paul gives good advice to
the widow in I Corinthians 7:8 – Now to
the unmarried and the widow I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I
am. Paul goes on to explain his reasoning in verses 29-35 when he says, (29)
What I mean, brothers, is...An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s
affairs-how he can please the Lord. (33) But a married man is concerned about
the affairs of this world-how he can please his wife-(34) and his interests are
divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is
concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in
both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of
this world-how she can please her husband. (35) I am saying this for your own
good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided
devotion to the Lord.
However, Paul clearly
states in verse 9 “if a couple cannot
control themselves, they should marry,” and in verse 36 he says, “If anyone thinks they are acting improperly
towards the person they are engaged to, they ought to marry.”
2 Secondly, the above Scripture give clear
directives in understanding our purpose in life – it is to please God and serve
Him in a way that brings honor to His name. A wrong mate can redirect us away
from serving God; therefore we should be patient in letting God bring to us the right person, if indeed remarrying is
in His interest. Remember this truth: If
it’s in His best interest, it will ultimately be in your best interest.
Make sure that when you
enter into a relationship with the opposite sex as a widow(er) that the reasons
are to advance His kingdom and not just for your pleasures. Ask yourself, “Does
this person want what God wants for my life? What does God want for your life?
He wants you to “follow Him and fish for men.”
(Matthew 4:19). If the person you are considering a relationship with
does not have this at heart, they will steer you away from God and you will
miss what is best for your life.
You have heard the
expression “haste makes waste.” How true
in life when it comes to entering into opposite sex relationship. How many have
wasted good years on relationships that have turn sour. Not only is patient a
virtue in this instance, but seeking godly, objective counsel is also wise.
Proverbs 11:14.
Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the
multitude of counselors there is safety. Consider the counsel of those who over the
years have revealed themselves as true friends.
They will see your situation much more clearly than you. Ask them what
they think, then put their thoughts before the Lord in prayer. If you will
listen, God will reveal His heart to you and it will be what is best.
By Rev.Dr.J.Bruce Sofia - Founder & Director of Gloucester County Community Church
Lord Song, I Know The Plans I Have For You!
