~ Welcome ~
This is a place for widows to meet one another. A place to be encouraged, to learn about God's love for this special sisterhood. A place to grow in God's grace and love.
God knows that widows are in need of support and so He created a specific category for them, spoken of often in the Scriptures. Sadly, the loss of a husband in ancient Israel was often a social and economic tragedy. Whenever that occurred, the widow was left in a very vulnerable position. She became the prime target for exploitation. God knew this and He stated that He was not only the father to the orphan, but the legal defender of the widow (Psalm 68:5). We meet several widows in the New Testament. It wasn’t just chance that Anna, a widow who lived in the temple, was the first to greet our Messiah, Jesus Christ. In fact, Jesus himself protested the exploitation of widows. “Yet, they shamelessly cheat widows out of their property and then pretend to be pious by making long prayers in public. Because of this, they will be more severely punished (Mark 12:40). The early church defined the essence of true religion as demonstrating compassion to the poor and needy, and the orphans and widows are mentioned in particular.Widows have the eyes and heart of God Himself.
A New Testament widow who comes to mind is the woman who Luke refers to simply as a
widow. Since she was from Nain, she is commonly called, “The widow of Nain.” When Jesus came to the city gate of Nain, he saw the funeral procession and the immense grief that gripped the mother over the death of her only son. No one called on Jesus to raise the boy from the dead, but out of compassion Jesus walked over to the bier, took the young boy by the hand and told him to get up…and he did. This widow was undoubtedly overjoyed to have her
son restored to her. But keep in mind that her way of life was literally reversed. Without a son, she had no rights to her husband’s property and she could easily have been reduced to a social outcast in the community. Having sons was as important as having a husband in those days, especially so for a widow. Jesus’ compassion for her was such that He gave her back, not only her son, but her dignity and standing in the community. Jesus is concerned with every single detail of our lives.
Thankfully, laws regarding women’s rights have radically changed in most parts of the world since biblical days. Yet, the broken heart, the grieved spirit, the loneliness and total
rearrangement of one’s life is still a part of a widow’s lot. Being a widow changes the way
society views the woman as well. The oft quoted phrase, “The more things change, the more they remain the same,” is true for widowhood. Widows are still vulnerable to unscrupulous
business proprietors, less-than-good-intentioned men, not to mention jealous and suspicious wives. Widows have to learn a new identity and are often excluded from social events because they are no longer a part of a “couple.” Many times their incomes are lessened with their husband’s death and forced frugality becomes a way of life. I’ve witnessed much of this up close through the widowhood of family members and close friends. In fact, my husband and I drove several hundred miles this past winter to spend time with a family member who is still grieving the death of her husband and learning to navigate life without her partner.
The theme verse of Friends Needing Friends is as true now as when St. Paul wrote it hundreds of years ago.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God (II Corinthians 1:3-4).
Our compassionate heavenly Father is eager to comfort you in everything you go through. But He does so for the very reason that He wants you to then turn and comfort others. Those two words, “so that” are very important. You are now commissioned to be His hands and feet of comfort and cheer to others because of His comfort to you. Don’t limit yourself to just widows. There’s so many areas of need in our world. Your local church usually makes needs known to the congregation and regularly makes known those in the hospital or suffering in some way. Ask God how you can alleviate someone else’s pain and you’ll be
amazed at how you will notice that your own pain is decreasing.
For 34 years this is exactly what Friends Needing Friends has been doing. That’s right. This month marks the 34th anniversary of Friends Needing Friends and I thank God for this great ministry to widows.
Have a blessed month as we go into the summer season.
Message by Shari Hervold
This video "Through It All" by Andrae Crouch.
I don't own any rights for this song. It's for entertainment and worship purpose only.
It’s the month of May and in America it’s the
month in which we set aside a day to honor our mothers. So, this month I
decided to honor my own mother, a woman about whom I’ve spoken on a number of occasions,
but never on this site.
It’s difficult to cull through one’s memories
and choose just one or two memories to share. I’ve chosen one that reflects my
mother’s devotion to and trust in God in spite of deep grief and heartache.
I was in middle school which had just closed
for the summer recess a few weeks earlier. On this particular morning my
younger sisters and I, along with our brother Philip who had just turned six
the previous month, decided to stroll down our country road to a little bridge not
far from our house. There Philip decided to amuse himself by picking up twigs
and throwing them over the side of the bridge into the water, then darting to
the other side to watch them wash through. About five minutes into his childish
play, we heard a car approaching, a rare occurrence for this time of day. Phil
had just started to retrace his steps when the speeding car struck him,
catching his head in the headlight. Several yards from the initial impact the
teen driver stopped, the jolt of which dislodged Phil’s head from the headlight
and threw his badly traumatized and unconscious body to the side of the road.
My sisters ran home to get our mother and I ran to a neighbor’s house to call
for an ambulance. Within a few minutes I observed as she hovered over the
broken body of her baby boy praying. At the hospital, a veteran reporter from a
neighboring city reported that she was the calmest woman under the
circumstances he had ever observed.
Later that afternoon she returned from her
vigil at the local hospital to check on her children and refresh herself.
Mother went into her bedroom and I could hear her praying. My mother’s prayers
were a daily occurrence, but because I longed for physical proximity to her, I
sat on the hallway steps outside of the master bedroom. Her prayer went
something like this,
“Lord, you gave Phil to us and we gave him back to you.
We’d like to keep him a little longer, but if you want to take him home, I
surrender him to you.”
That was it, very calm, very matter-of-fact and not
overly emotional. It was just a simple prayer of relinquishment to a loving
Heavenly Father in whom she had complete trust and faith. In less than 24
hours, Phil was dead. I never once heard my mother question God as her faith
was as absolute in the face of tragedy as it was when one of her children was
receiving an award. Her faith was rewarded and her eight surviving children all
served God, several in full time ministry, in part to the unswerving faith they
observed in their mother, as well as their father.
My mother outlived my Dad, her sweetheart and
companion, by 15 years so she was acquainted with widowhood. She filled her
days with prayer and ministry to others. Well into her eighties she taught a
Bible class to young couples at her church and they adored her. She regularly
visited and ministered Christ’s love to residents of a nursing home, many of
whom were younger than she, a fact she found amusing as she would recall her
day to one of her children saying, “I went to the Old Folks Home.”
Mother died the way she lived, quietly without
earthly fanfare, while sleeping. She gave two deep sighs and was in the
presence of Jesus, her Lord and Savior. Thank you “Mama” for demonstrating a
The Eunice Brown Home for Children
faith that didn’t buckle when tried in the crucibles of life. To honor our
mother, we surviving children established a children’s home, The Eunice
Brown Home for Children, in Ukraine, in cooperation with a strong
Christian community there with whom our oldest brother ministered. Mother
didn’t know it, but she’s going to be having children until Christ returns. Her
tombstone, which she shares with our Dad, says it all, “For me to live is
Christ, to die is gain.”
Ladies, if you don’t know Jesus Christ as your
Savior, I implore you to take that step of asking Him into your life so that
you too can say as the Apostle Paul first stated, “For me to live is Christ, to
die is gain.”
That is the best Mother’s Day gift you can give yourself and your
children. Happy Mother’s Day to each of you.
Message by Shari Hervold (left) and (Mama) Eunice Brown (Right)
This video is "I Will Serve Thee" by the Maranatha! Singers.
I don't own any rights for this song. It's for entertainment and worship purpose only.
Happy first full month of Spring with new life bursting out all around us! It is also the month in which we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus. It’s truly a wonderful time of the year.
I am reminded of the story in the Old Testament that relays a time when the Jewish nation was targeted for death and destruction. Queen Esther, wife of the Persian king, a very powerful empire at that time in history, played a pivotal role in saving the nation, preserving it for God’s purposes. Esther’s cousin had learned of a plot to annihilate the Jews and he asked Esther to go plead the cause of her people to the King. This presented a big problem for Esther as the King hadn’t requested an audience with her in over a month. If an individual went into the presence of the king uninvited and he didn’t raise his scepter, death would result. There were no exceptions, so Esther knew the stakes. History tells us that her husband was a man with an uncontrolled temper, quick to get
fiercely angry. She was a powerless pawn in his hands, wearing beautiful clothes, eating the best of foods and living in a castle, but not much better off than a slave. And her cousin had asked her to plead for her people to this man. She wasn’t just making up an excuse when she expressed her concern about approaching the King to Mordecai, her cousin. When she seemed to vacillate, her cousin reminded her that perhaps this was the very reason she was the queen in the first place. After fasting and prayer, she went into the King’s court, he raised his scepter, giving her an audience and ultimately the Jews were saved. (The entire story is in the book of Esther. It’s an exciting read.)
You have experienced moments in your life that have left you feeling much like Esther did upon receiving this news. She certainly wasn’t eager to go to the King uninvited, yet she was heartsick at the news she had just received and recognized that it was not information she could just tuck away in her memory bank and hope for the best. The death of your spouse was such a moment. Your life was forever changed. We call these moments “defining moments” in our lives where we are irrevocably changed. Did you know that God’s plan for your life didn’t change when your husband died, and you were forced to accept “widow” as a title? Your whole life had been a preparation for that moment, just as Esther’s life as an orphan living as a minority in a foreign country had prepared her for the difficult times she would face as a queen. You, too, might feel inadequate, unworthy, or even incapable of making a difference, thinking of yourself as “just a widow.” But let me remind you that you and your life are important to God. He has uniquely prepared you to do what only you can do to bring honor to His name. The places that we find ourselves in this life are not about us, but rather about Him and the bigger plans He has for our lives. Not bigger in the sense of
importance as the world sees things, but important to God. Did you notice the first thing that Esther did after making her decision to go to the King? She asked others to fast and pray for her and she did the same. Seeking God and his guidance and protection in our lives is valuable whether we’re facing a life-or-death situation or not. Keep your eyes fixed on the Lord and He will not fail you nor leave you to struggle on your own.
Now that you are walking life solo, you have the ability to do things you might not have been able to before. Think of the talents and abilities you have, perhaps the extra time you have, the neighborhood in which you live, your family members, especially those precious grandchildren, and ask God to direct your life as to how you can best impact those in your sphere for His kingdom. That’s what God is so good at, turning those painful times and situations in our lives around for a greater purpose than we ever thought possible.
I think of you ladies who are attending a Friends Needing Friends chapter, whether in New Jersey or Florida. Through your attendance you are able to offer camaraderie and support to other widows. In addition, you bring your creativity and talents through various means to the meetings. Some help out with the technology and others with photography. Just your presence speaks of your willingness to get past your own needs and be with other women, who like you, have turned a defining moment in your lives into a blessing to others. God is as interested in you as He was with those Jews thousands of years ago. He hasn’t left you to muddle through widowhood alone and promises to be with you every moment. God promised never to leave you or forsake you. (Hebrews 13:5)
I want to talk to you today about a subject that many don’t want to either talk about or even listen to others talk about. That subject is depression. Did you know that one in ten adults in the United States struggles with depression and it’s common in older people. Feeling sad or “low” is just one symptom of depression.
There’s a story in the Bible about a well-known prophet, Elijah, who was battling depression. Let me summarize his story found in I Kings 19:1-31. After the victory on the mountain where Elijah and the prophets of Baal had a contest to see whose God would hear them and burn up a pile of wood on an altar, the Lord God of Elijah heard his prayer, burned up the water-soaked wood, the sacrifice, the stones, the dirt, and even the water in the trench. The Baal worshippers got no response from their god and their prophets were put to death.
Upon hearing this, Queen Jezebel sent word to Elijah that within a day’s time he would be as dead as her prophets. Elijah ran in fear for his life to Beersheba, where he left his servant, and then ran another day’s journey into the desert. There he collapsed under a broom tree and prayed for death saying, “I’m ready to join my ancestors in the grave,” and fell into an exhausted sleep. At this point an angel awakened him and told him to get up and eat. God had provided bread and water for him and he consumed them both and fell asleep again. Again, an angel appeared to him and told him to eat some more as God had some work for him to do.
So, what can we learn from Elijah’s story?
When you wear yourself out, you’re vulnerable to depression. Elijah had just experienced a major victory, but he’s worn out. It was an all-day event. What does he do? He takes off and runs to Jezreel which is 25 miles away. Then he hears that Jezebel has a death warrant out for him and he panics and runs to Beersheba which is another 100 miles, drops off his servant and runs another day’s journey into the desert. There he falls, exhausted under a broom bush just praying for death. God did not criticize Elijah, he didn’t lecture him, he certainly didn’t tell him to just “snap out of it.” No, he had him eat and sleep and then do it again until he was thoroughly rested and refreshed.
Some of you most likely could benefit from a regular sleep and eating schedule. Some of you refuse help from children, grandchildren, or friends who are only too happy to take some of your workload on themselves. Others of you could afford to hire some help with cleaning or yard work, but you’ve made it a badge of honor to do it yourself. Some of you haven’t developed good eating habits since you’ve become widowed. You may not even realize that a root cause of your poor eating habits is mild depression. You just slough it off as hating to eat alone, but most likely, it goes deeper than that. My aunt, who was a single woman, carefully put her place setting out before serving herself a meal. Just because she was alone didn’t deter her from making a nutritious meal and serving it as though she were in the company of others. Don’t neglect your health by poor eating habits.
When you’re depressed, you tend to shut people out. Elijah dropped his sidekick off and continued on alone. Make sure that you don’t shut people out. Your friends and family are there to help you. They love you and the worst thing you could do is isolate yourself from others. God made us to be in community. Don’t give in to thoughts such as, “I can handle this alone,” or “I just don’t feel like being around people anymore,” or “No one would understand my feelings anyway.” And don’t pretend everything is okay, when inside you’re “caving in.”
The pandemic has touched the lives of all us to some degree and many of us have lost close friends and/or family members to it. Special days tends to be a “downer” for widows and other pressures of life are always on the verge of closing in on us. There’s more than enough as we age to threaten our mental health so we have to be on the alert and be wise in how we respond.
Are you getting enough exercise? Exercise benefits us in many ways such as protecting against heart disease and diabetes, improving sleep, and lowering blood pressure according to Dr. Ronan Factora, M.D. Dr. Craig Miller reminds us that exercise supports nerve cell growth which helps relieve depression. So, make sure you’re getting enough exercise, rest, and proper nutrition.
As you look forward to the remainder of this year, remember that physical health is important to mental health and practice good habits to enjoy this year in the grace and peace of our precious Savior, Jesus Christ. Even though Elijah prayed for death, God let him know that he still had work for him to do. The same applies to you. Your worth is not devalued because you are getting older, are widowed or for any other reason. You are a valuable and much-loved daughter of God. Live 2022 in expectation of what God has planned for you.
